its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
