He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
