please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
