Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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