I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
