North Korea, Best Korea!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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