woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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