Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
