He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I fill condoms, not promises.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize