So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
