i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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