is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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