the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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