final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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