Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
