Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
