I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
