today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
