Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize