Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
