I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
and you fell through a lawn chair
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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