Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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