Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
