I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
