some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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