He uses pillows to masturbate.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize