I faked an abortion last night.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
