after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
