Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The struggles of a small town man whore
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
