Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
