proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
