"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
