I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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