Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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