My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
