He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Even the bartender felt bad for me
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
did you just send me my own nude
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
