Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
