her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
