the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
barbara walters just said penis...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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