so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
