All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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