real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize