Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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