threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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