were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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