Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
