you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
