Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
