he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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