the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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