Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
