I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
