So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
