I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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