Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize