i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
