I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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