I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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