So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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