First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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