FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
