So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
