After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Randomize