FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
