Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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