I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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