i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
