I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
