Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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