EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize