you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
