I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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