haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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