clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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