I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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