tell your sister to shave her snatch
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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