y did u give ur computer a hand job?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
