hotel room ftw
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize