Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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