What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Someone came in the potted fern
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
