so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
