its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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