i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
