Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
