Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This house was built for laser tag.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
