hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
