You're my little dorito
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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