I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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